Oh! . . . What a Relief It Is!

That sudden wind you felt yesterday was the collective sigh of relief from fans coast to coast. The NFL lockout is over.

The United States might still be under the Atlantic Ocean in debt, and unlike any responsible person, can’t settle on a workable budget. But there will be football! The specter of global terrorism continues to loom. But yes, boys and girls, there will be NFL football. Gas prices might continue to soar, unemployment remains at alarming levels, and some states are virtually bankrupt – but hooray, we’ll be able to watch NFL football!

But what does it really mean? Well, bookies and gambling establishments will resume bang-up business. Moribund office pools will be revived. Men can revert to boys as they compete in their little fantasy football contests.

Networks with billions of dollars already committed in NFL TV commercials can reap their riches. The Peyton Mannings, Troy Polamalus and others will again collect their endorsement checks. The Terrelle Owenses and Ochocincos will perform their foolish antics for another year.

The rise in national obesity will continue as folks desperately in need of exercise remain anchored to their recliners and couches, except for occasional forays to the refrigerator and quick trips to the potty. In the process, marriage relationships will virtually be put on hold until next February.

Inner city youths can continue to ignore the value of education while dreaming about being among the fraction of 1% of young men that even get a hint of NFL glory. Many with athletic prowess will advance to universities not thirsting for knowledge, but only to bide their time while waiting to move to “the next level.” They will, however, diligently practice saying, “Hi, Mom,” from the sidelines.

And perhaps best of all, with all the NFL news to catch up on, sports media will finally cease rehashing the supposed wickedness and deceitfulness of the Ohio State Buckeyes. (At least OSU did them a favor and helped fill many boring days during the spring and early summer.)

Was there really any doubt the NFL season would be saved? The players could only hold out for so long. When you acquire champagne taste, it’s hard surviving on a Kool-Aid budget. And everyone loves the NFL, don’t they? If the lockout had continued, both the President and Congress would have intervened.

They might not be able to reach consensus on how to run the country, but we must have our football. Says so right there in the Constitution – somewhere! (Doesn’t it?)

Yup, before long we’ll be answering the question we’ve longed to hear: “Are you ready for some football?”